


The Hunt

by Lonewritersclub



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Batjokes, Domestic, Fluff, Gotham is scared to the point of oblivious, Humor, Kissing, Public Display of Affection, Rich People Things, Shopping, and joker knows it, it's like that, thank god wayne's a billionaire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 18:12:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15030410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lonewritersclub/pseuds/Lonewritersclub
Summary: Bruce and Joker go out to shop for lipstick. It's a hassle.





	The Hunt

The store is practically packed with people. Bruce wishes they would have gone shopping any other time of the day or even the week than on the busiest time of a Saturday when most people went out in a mad craze to find something to wear the next week or for a night out on the town to spill their drinks on.

But no, Joker insisted that they needed to go find him a new tube of lipstick. Right. Now. And so here they were amidst the herd of shopaholics and modest people desperately trying to find a quick replacement for their nearly shredded business suit so that they wouldn’t get fired from their job.

Joker leads them over to the vast lipstick isle of the no less than a high-end makeup store inside Gotham’s oldest shopping mall. To Bruce’s delight, there aren’t so many shoppers surrounding them anymore than there were when they had been browsing through the usual makeup stores a couple of stories down -probably due to this shop being was a bit more luxurious than the others. That's not to say Gotham doesn't have its fair share of rich people who love lavish things. And not to mention all the little pickpockets slumming about the packed isles of overpoweringly fragranced makeup and the copious amounts of brushes threatening to nearly tip off the shelves. 

Bruce doesn’t mind the three digit numbers on the prices but he still thinks they could have done their shopping when there wouldn’t be such a traffic jam in the mall or on the streets outside. Then again, seeing Joker fanning out over the massive variety of different tubes of lipsticks might make it all worth it. Or more like the thank you that Bruce will be receiving from him for doing this afterwards.

Joker picks up a lipstick after another and swashes them on the back of his hand and on the pale skin on his wrist. The different shades of deep red look even more striking on his bleach white arm than they do usually do on his lips as Bruce isn’t used to them on this new sort of canvas. Joker on the other hand looks very used to doing this.

In a knowing manner he scans the collection with an intense look in his acid green eyes.

“It has to be somewhere in here…” he murmurs to himself thoughtfully, his finger almost accusingly poised at the tubes as he tries to spot whatever he’s searching for. The saleswoman working behind the counter looks at them concerned and frightened as do the rest of the shoppers. It’s the green hair, Bruce just knows it. If Joker would just worn his wig, they could have avoided all of this. However, not to overlook the positive side of things, at least they aren’t being bothered by the clerks and the scared little customers too leave them a great amount of space to do their shopping in peace.

Also it’s not like they could do anything about it – Bruce always keeps Joker’s certificate of good mental health right in his breast-pocket in case anyone is willing to say something about it.

“What exactly are you looking for?” Bruce eventually asks him out of curiousness as he watches the lipstick hunt before his eyes go down in a rather confused state. He leans himself against a shelf carrying many bottles and spray-cans of who knows and crosses his arms over his chest in leisure assuming that the hunt might take a while longer.

Joker doesn’t answer Bruce’s question but suddenly he snatches a tube of lipstick between his long elegant fingers and then turns around to face him excitedly. He holds the tube up to Bruce’s face.

“Here it is! _Dynamite Red_ …” Joker says in a worshipping tone. His green eyes go crossed as he stares at the sleek golden tube with a mesmerized look in his eyes. He uncaps it and then rolls the little cylinder at the top to reveal the actual deep yet bright red lipstick inside it.

It has a sharp pointed edge, it almost looks dangerous in Bruce’s eyes and he’s fairly certain there’s truly no match for this brand of lipstick that would satisfy Joker’s cravings for _redredred_.

“What I always wore when we were out there. Don’t you just love it? It’s the most perfect shade of red and applies so beautifully”, Joker idolizes before putting it right on his lips – slowly but without any need for a mirror. A practiced motion. He looks at Bruce while he does it. He does a remarkable job at it. It feels like Bruce becomes hypnotized as he follows the smooth glide of the sharp point of the lipstick fill Joker’s already red lips with a creamy and shiny consistency.

Bruce catches himself gaping at his mouth quite stupidly by the end of it when Joker is grinning at him boastfully.

“Now the only issue I have with this brand, and it’s just a small inconvenience really, but nevertheless”, Joker starts and then begins to lean in close to Bruce’s face. Right when their lips would touch – and Bruce can simply _smell_ the smoke leave his back from all the holes the other people in the room are burning into him with their eyes – Joker halts and breathes against his mouth cool yet warm, “it leaves very a distinct lipstick mark.”

Then it’s just a short little peck on the corner of Bruce’s mouth that Joker leaves him with before turning back around to go through more tubes of lipstick. Yet, it takes Bruce no time at all to notice it himself, too.

In the small makeup mirror in front of him he spots the clear and full-scale lipstick left on his skin like a branding. Bruce quickly grabs a makeup wipe they leave for cleaning up the testing of the products and rubs it vigorously over the mark.

It takes a few of seconds before it all comes off and Bruce wonders how on earth Joker managed to do this every day. This feels even more difficult and more time-consuming than taking of the batsuit.

“So what I’m after, along with this one”, Joker wags Dynamite Red in his fingers, “is a lipstick that won’t leave a smugde.”

Bruce walks up to Joker by the other counter of lipsticks that all look nearly the same but still different to one another. Bruce doesn’t understand how he does it.

Joker smirks at him then in-between all of the testing.

“That of course didn’t matter before”, Joker says a little quieter now so that only Bruce would hear, “because they didn’t show up on the black Kevlar of your cowl.”

Bruce feels a bit flabbergasted by the remark, and especially by the wink that follows, but keeps his composure without relative difficulty. Then Joker sighs as he adds: “or on the gauntlets.”

Well… yes. Bruce supposes so. He also can’t deny that the remark makes him feel even if just a little bit bad about it.

Joker scans over the many swashes he’s done across his arm with a thoughtful expression.

“But now things are different and I bet you wouldn’t want to go to work, be that night or day, with lipstick smudges all over your face. Everybody knows you’re mine anyway, there’s no need for me to try to brand you…” he says swiftly and turns back around to swaying his narrow hips at Bruce as he bends over the counter.

Bruce could grip him right now and nobody would do a thing – they are all too afraid after all. They would have the store all for themselves if they chose to. Bruce could just reach over, just a couple more inches, and then show who’s whose.

Then a soft pair of lips is pressed against Bruce’s and there’s perfume, there’s cream and there’s moist stickiness. When Joker takes a step back to look over his work, Bruce releases a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. He grits his teeth together not to look so overwhelmed although Joker’s already smiling. But then he’s pouting.

“That left a mark, too. Dammit”, he curses and then throws a wet napkin at him. “Here.”

Bruce scrubs the napkin thing over his lips. Crimson stains the white paper – usually it’s blood when this happens – but Bruce frowns because it just won’t seem to rub off as he goes for another stroke.

When Joker goes to test another lipstick on him, it’s on his cheek that time. Bruce hurries to scrub over that mark too when it yields them less than successful results.

Soon, nevertheless, Bruce’s face is covered in red lipstick stains and he nearly gives up on trying to clean them off. He asks Joker if he could just try the testers on his arm instead or on anything else other than Bruce’s face but is left breathless once again when Joker’s mouth is pressed against his. When tongue comes to play, he can’t help but swoon over him and let him do as he pleases – for now. Just for now. It’s doing no real harm after all.

“This one’s a keeper”, Joker murmurs against Bruce’s lips after a while. His eyes are glued to them meaning he’s looking at Bruce cross-eyed and it’s so darn adorable, Bruce is ready to latch onto him for a while longer. But then he spots his own reflection in one of the many mirrors inside the story.

Joker’s right. This one left no mark but the shade is as brilliant as ever and fits Joker like Dynamite Red. Striking without the strike. How wonderful.

But all this kissing has left Bruce hot and bothered and Joker is all red mouth and excited over the findings. He looks so sweet when he’s happy and Bruce can’t wait to devour all that sugar.

Joker jumps as he points to the keepers with a big pleased grin.

“Good. Then let’s get those two and a few spare ones so that we get the hell out of here”, Bruce says grabbing the sleek little cases of fancily packaged lipsticks from the counter that Joker had deemed suitable and heads over to the cash register.

Joker skips behind Bruce giddily and throws a few other makeup products ranging from eyeshadows to little pink sponges in front of the shocked clerk lady on the counter in his whimsical way without even really looking. Bruce pays for all of them without a question and tries his best to smile confidently for the lady as to calm her nerves. She packs away everything in an expensive looking black shopping bag and offers it first to Bruce before realizing that the contents are not really for him, now are they.

Joker accepts the bag with a graceful and peaceful motion which Bruce appreciates. They leave the store with that, Joker waving manically at the clerk before striding out and Bruce impatiently tugging him along by the hand.

When they walk pass the fan merchandise store, Joker skids to an abrupt stop. He points to the shopping window, green eyes blazing with childlike light, where there’s a cheap plastic mannequin wearing a cheap Batman logoed t-shirt. Joker already must have a ten of those alongside all the other Batman related clothing, including those devilish thongs that leave nothing for the imagination and make Bruce feel awfully possessive about Joker’s private parts, but Bruce knows they’ll be out of the shopping rush sooner if he simply does as Joker wishes and gets him another Batman t-shirt.

Besides, it’ll just mean Joker will be double the sweeter for Bruce when they finally get home. And honestly, that’s all Bruce can really think about right now.

When they walk back to their car with Joker swallowed up in the too large Batman t-shirt and stepping into Bruce Wayne’s grey Lamborghini, Bruce can’t help but wonder how the people of Gotham still haven’t put two and two together and realized who the Batman really is. He bets they must have by now after Joker moved into the manor – they are just too scared to say it out loud as always.

Well, who’s Bruce to complain? He just looks over to his left with a gentle smile and marvels at his luck with the taste of lipstick on his lips. Joker grins right back at him. He's right - it’s one hell of a joke.

**Author's Note:**

> A bit of a pointless story but the concept of something like this happening was stuck in my head. I personally hate shopping so sorry if that translated too much into this fic but I reckon you're good. 
> 
> Let me know how true this concept is though. Love to hear your thoughts.


End file.
